Days Like Today

Days like today make me very, very happy I have a flexible job ... and a forgiving boss ... and new tires on my car ... and a sturdy shovel.

Let's not forget hot coffee and fully stocked baking goods, leftover Chinese, and the ability to talk to people in times zones fifteen hours ahead of your own.

Yes, I think it's safe to say I've had a good fake snow day. I got up ridiculously early (at least for me), got mostly ready for the day, and talked to Mia Sorella for a couple hours. (We were both definitely in need of some sisterly time.) My lovely moderately flexible job let me work from home today for the most part, which worked out nicely -- I got to shovel my sidewalks in daylight, at least. Plus I couldn't have left before the plows came through at 11:30 anyway, so I was doubly lucky I could work from the comfort of my living room.

The evening is ending, and on a somewhat conflicted note. I've mixed up rolls for tomorrow -- that's good. My kitchen is clean, which is great. I'm watching a movie, which is somewhat relaxing (although it's made me cry twice now, which is practically unheard of -- I just don't cry at movies).

Best of all, Andyman called. He was leaving for Baghdad today and his flight got delayed. Lucky for me, really, since that meant he had time to call me.

He's leaving in a matter of hours for his third tour. Like the first two rounds, there's that twinge of worry ... but there's an odd excitement, too. When he gets back, he'll be done with school and he and his lovely wife will be moving to Washington (the state, not the district) where he's fortunate enough to have found a job.

Yep, I'm excited for them. And not just because this gives me the perfect excuse to go to Washington.

And so my fake snow day is drawing to a close. I'm going to finish this movie and one more lesson in my hazmat refresher ... and then crash. Tomorrow things get back to mostly normal, and I need to be up for that.

Have a good night, folks, and stay warm.

Snow Day ... Sort Of

It's still snowing. And blowing. Through most of Wisconsin, really.

That picture is how it's supposed to look at noon ... Yikes.

Only a little daunting. I brought my laptop home with me so I can get some work done here -- which is good, because it's going to be awhile before my road is clear. Which means it'll be awhile before Sophie can handle the roads.

Yes. It's a good day for coffee and document updates in my pajamas.

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It's snowing! We may finally end up with some real cover ...

Sorry. Can't help myself. If it's gonna be annoying cold outside, there should be snow to brighten things up.

Moment Of Weakness

Warning: Abnormal levels of bluntness about my life are contained in this post.

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Hark the herald angels sing
But not for us, my dear
Can't recall a single thing
We're celebrating this year
Watch the clock and pace the floor
Shut my eyes and slam the door
Tear down the lights, we don't need them anymore...


About this time last year, I wrote this post.

It's a good post. Packed full of both reality and optimism, maybe even a touch of idealism. And it's sound advice, dangnabbit. You see, last year I was very comfortable with both my life and myself, which meant I was in a great place for dispensing advice. This year, I need to be taking that advice.

This year, I seem to be stuck in the "acknowledgment" phase of single during the holidays. Revelry escapes me. The spirit escapes me. A good batch of fudge escapes me.

On a normal, non-seasonal day, I'm still quite happy with my place in the world. I enjoy being able to come and go as I please, and I really enjoy not having to call someone to see if we're free that night. The independence has always been what gets me ... It's truly awesome.


Holy night the stars shine bright
Left my heart underneath the tree
You won't be home to open it
So I put it back inside me
Watch the clock and pace the floor
Shut my eyes and slam the door
Burn the mistletoe, we don't need it anymore...


HOWEVER.

Despite my usual comfort level and comparative championing of the single life, I must be putting out "lonely and desperate" vibes. I can't come up with any other explanation for the behavior of those around me. Maybe it's the season; maybe it's the fact that my friends who were single last year aren't anymore, and in fact are a little sappy now.

In any case, people have been quite forthcoming with advice for me regarding how to meet men. Most of it has come unbidden; in fact, three different people have suggested eHarmony just in the last week, and only one of those incidents was in fact pertinent to the conversation.

It's more than a little unsettling.

If I were to be totally honest with you -- and I might as well, given the slightly less than articulate but straightforward start I've made -- I would say that Christmas does make me lonely, more so than any other time, including other holidays and my own birthday. This Christmas season has been no exception.

In fact, it's been weirdly hard, more so than any other year.

The remaining truth would be that this comes as no real surprise. 2009 has been that kind of year -- the kind that turns a person upside down and shakes her to her core. The kind that forces a reevaluation and makes a person question her identity. After a year like that it's no wonder that the thought of being alone seems more intimidating than usual.

Don't worry; soon we'll be back to our usual programming. Soon I'll be feeling like my normal, occasionally over-confident self.

For the moment, though, I'm going to relax and watch the rest of my movie in the quiet of my living room. After all ... nights like these are what I crave when I'm in a crowd.

It's time to get that back.


("Things We Don't Need Anymore" by Jenny Owen Youngs)

Back -- And A Wisconsin Moment

I am, at long last, back online.

It's weird to me that this thing that wasn't a part of my life -- or a part of the lives of anyone I knew -- only fifteen years ago is now something that is rather hard to live without.

And to be honest, the last two months weren't so bad. In fact, the only reason I really wanted to get reconnected was so I could talk to Mia Sorella without freezing. Unfortunately, it's officially winter in Wisconsin; five minutes in front of El Local Coffee Shop was going to be more than I could handle.

So here I am. After a bit of a debacle getting it connected (and a friendly and very nice tech support guy), everything seems to be up and functional.

Just in time, really. This weekend I'm actually in Wausau and will be home to use it. Occasionally.

Now for something completely different!

Tonight after my usual errands, I headed to tango. On my way home, I realized that I didn't really want to drink the wine I had reserved for tonight. Maybe it's the fact that the Admiral and I have been stopping at Red Eye (one of the breweries in town) for a drink after tango the last few weeks. Maybe it was just the end of a long week. In any case, I wanted a beer.

Unfortunately, my refrigerator was empty. I don't usually stock much beer and as it happens I had run out.

So -- in a stroke of weirdness that I can only assume is the newfound Wisconsinness in me -- I grabbed my empty growler (for non-craft-beer-drinkers, that's a half-gallon jug that you can get filled at microbreweries that don't generally bottle and/or distribute their beer in other ways), walked the three blocks to the nearest brewery, and got it filled. In the snow.

Perhaps I've been here too long.

Seasonally Affected

It's been snowing since yesterday. Not a lot, certainly not heavily, but steadily enough to have flakes in the air most of the time and for pavement to have a fine layer of white.

This morning as I drove back to work (I was in early so as to not have to stay till seven tonight thanks to an appointment this morning), some part of it finally sank in a little.

It's December 4th.

Christmas is only three weeks away.

And ... I hate to say this ... It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

[I just cringed. I'm sorry. That was a terrible joke.]

For the first time, my apartment isn't yet decorated. I haven't made any special food. Aside from getting my Christmas shopping done (which was actually pretty easy this year), I have done very little to acknowledge the season.

It's distinctly possible that, for the first time in history, I'm feeling more like a Scrooge than one of Santa's elves. I'd like to be happy and cheery about it; I'd like to be in the mood for Christmas music and Salvation Army Santas and lights and wreaths and gingerbread cookies. But ... I'm not.

The snow is almost helping. And it's possible that the company party tomorrow will help -- after dressing up and being surrounded by decorations and happy people, it's bound to have some effect.

I hope so. This mildly melancholy thing is getting a little tiresome.

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December 1st.

Today is World AIDS Day.

It's also the beginning of the last month of 2009 and the first day of many "official" countdowns to Christmas.

So where are you this December 1st?

Summary

It's safe to say that this weekend was, hands down, the most relaxing one I've had in months.

Thanksgiving was quiet and the days following involved a little shopping, some Christmas decorating, a long chat with Mia Sorella, and the construction of a set of bookshelves that I now need to stain and finish so I can get them moved into my living room.

I also watched the Macy's parade for the first time in at least four years and -- I admit it -- both paid attention to and cheered on the Packers Thursday afternoon.

I'm not ashamed. Mostly.

All in all, it was everything a holiday is meant to be, really. Quiet. Relaxing. A break from the rat race. Aside from my persistent single-symptom cold, it was absolutely fantastic.

Now the race is back. But what I really want to know is ... Cyber Monday?! Really? Is this truly necessary, folks?

Happy Thanksgiving

Thankful for ...

... a year with a lot of ups and downs because at least I was never bored.

... family get-togethers of all shapes and sizes.

... parents and siblings who aren't afraid of a little adventure.

... technology to keep up with those who are mid-adventure.

... a car that runs with tires that don't slip.

... turkey, potatoes and gravy, and crescent rolls.

I made it back to Sioux Falls last night in pretty good time. Now, I get to bask in a real weekend break, with no real obligations aside from helping cook.

Life is good.

Have a great Thanksgiving, folks.

*Cough, cough* Ahem...

Aside from waking up with an inability to speak, I'm having a pretty good day.

I described it to my mother yesterday as feeling like I was just getting over a cold -- but being confused because I have no recollection of having a cold to begin with. Yesterday was just a scratchy throat, however ... Today I couldn't speak.

Through hot tea, various liquids, and general use I'm back to almost-normal (a little hoarse and an octave lower than usual, but almost-normal). And I feel fine. I'd rather deal with one symptom (and one that's only a little annoying and not so bad, really) than a real cold. Oh please, let me only have to deal with one symptom and not a real cold.

It's hard to be in a bad mood this week, really. The office is already half-empty; I'm surprisingly caught up on my work and my desk is getting cleaner (as in I found it again). Holiday weeks are often some of the best ones -- fewer distractions, fewer panicky managers (although I haven't had to deal with many of those for a few months now), lots of conversations about upcoming plans.

And hey, in 48 hours, I'll be helping Mom prepare a small Thanksgiving dinner. That's an awesome thought.

Actually, there's a lot of fun coming up. This weekend it's Thanksgiving; next weekend is our company holiday party. A couple weeks after that we're doing a semi-fancy progressive dinner that should also be a hoot. And then -- hey! -- it's Christmas.

There is a lot of activity ahead.

I hope my voice can hold up.